I had an revelation....just like "reading is fundamental," COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Ok, so it's a rather dumb revelation, but I get it now.
In my last post, I was ranting because I was so mad at Maurice about his online dating profile. Before acting, I enlisted the advice of a good friend of man, who is a female, who happens to think JUST like a man. I am not sure how she was blessed with this amazing capability, but she has the power to interpret "man language" and if I didn't know any better, I'd think she was a man lol! (Just kidding...girl, you know I love you)!Anyway, I'll refresh your memory. I was mad at Maurice because his dating profile was still on the site and he had updated it with new info and pics. One of those pics was actually a pic I took of him on our date. I was pissed for a couple of reasons, but let me be honest...my profile was still on the site, the only difference is that I haven't updated my profile since we started getting to know each other and I don't go on the site for anything...I like him, I don't feel like getting to know anyone else right now.
My friend gave me some great advice...men aren't mind readers, don't use hints to tell him you are upset about the profile situation, just tell him and let the chips fall where they may. So...I told him I felt like he was still out looking for women to meet and per a previous conversation, we were not going to get to know other people while we are trying to decide if we like each other. He said he understood and he would take his profile down...IT WAS THAT EASY! He then told me he wanted me to take my profile off too. Of course I am cool with that because I can't ask him to do something that I wouldn't do, so...I removed my profile.
This whole situation makes me wonder why we aren't official yet...if he isn't talking to anyone, I'm not talking to anyone, we have both removed our online dating profiles, and things are still going great despite the fact that he has been out of town for work for almost 2 months and I have only seen him once in the time that he was gone-outside of skyping. Don't worry, I'm not going to give him an ultimatum...that's not my style...however, I have set a deadline in my head of when we should be official assuming that everything stays on track. I figured once he gets back home, I'll give him a few weeks to settle back in and see what happens. I am actually a bit shocked at myself because I never want to be anybody's girlfriend. Normally, I am in control of the situation...I don't like not being in control or having the upper hand, but that is another story.
Another thing, I'm old fashioned, you need to ask me to be your girlfriend, don't just assume. Just like guys can't read minds or speak woman language...we can't read minds or speak man language. You need to make sure I want to be your girlfriend. One of my friends said that the title isn't important because it isn't going to change anything. For me, a title is very important because without it, you can technically do whatever you want with no guilt and so can I. With a title, I feel more secure that we are on the same page and introducing you is a lot easier. I don't have to worry about calling you a friend, then your feelings get hurt because we aren't really friends (and vice versa)...I don't know what we are...boo thangs, sweethearts, etc. This in between stage is so confusing or maybe I'm thinking to hard. I do have a tendency to do that.
Keep up the good work! I love reading your blogs!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thank you! I appreciate you reading it!
DeleteLol @ "Boo Thangs".lol I'm confused about something that you touched on...If I have an issue, I'm definitely one to speak on it when it comes to romantic relationships but I get confused at times. When you don't say what's wrong, they complain about not being mind readers...But when you do speak on issues you, then it's nagging even if they're completely in the wrong. Lose Lose situation and I didn't even do anything...now the whole thing is flipped on me O_o
ReplyDeleteWe might need a guy's perspective on that...I can't lie it's a bit confusing to me as well. I think there's a fine line between nagging and saying what needs to be said. I kind of think the approach and the wording is what separates the 2....Hmmmm, this gives me an idea for another post!
DeleteWhen a man wants you, he will tell you. When he wants to be exclusive, he makes that very clear, there is no confusion with a man who wants to be with you. So this is a red flag because a man that is sure he wants you, won't risk another man having you over him. He won't let you make all the moves, especially in the beginning because he is trying to impress you, and this is when they step up to the plate the most if they want you. He will let you know because it is in a man's nature to lay claim on something he wants. It also doesn't take a man long to figure out if he will be serious about you, you will know early. Especially when it comes to titles. Men usually know when they first see you if you are wife material. Now if his behavior changed from early behavior, something may have happened that changed his mind about you, made him slow down with you ect... But men do not stand stagnant, if it seems that they did, that means he has regressed the relationship with you. They are either regressing or progressing the relationship. Try this.... Try throwing hints, "have you ever thought about what it would be like if we were together as a couple, I think it would be nice, how about you?" That way you are not pressuring him, making it too serious, but casual, it lets him know what you want. If he backs away, you know what time it is. If he moves forward with you, that means he truly didn't really think on it yet but is serious so will move forward. If he just pauses, says something like it will happen soon, but becomes distant, he isn't ready. Keep dating, but don't put your eggs in one basket is he slows down, or backs away. This could end up going either way, so I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteYou make a VERY valid point. He used to always ask me if I could see us together. I would like to think that we are testing out our "relationship" while he is out of town for work because every year he is out of town for the 1st 4 months of the year. It is easy for things to "fall off the wagon" when a person is away, so I have been trying to be consistent. He has been relatively consistent, but I think you are so right when you said if a man wants you, he will tell you. I will def keep your advice in the back of my mind as I continue to see what will happen. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were a professional relationship counselor/therapist...you're good!
DeleteI think you should revert back to your friend who "thinks like a man." He is not a mind reader, and subtle hints and beating around the bush are probably not going to resonate with him. I think if you like him and want to be with him...tell him. Don't ask him if he can see you guys together or make up a countdown deadline that he has no idea exist. So tell him exactly what you want from him and then see how he reacts on it. You don't have to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you can let him know that you would like to take things to the next step, and you want to know where he stands on that. You can still be old fashioned while letting a man know what you want.
ReplyDeleteYou're right...I guess I just have a fear of rejection, but I know that in order to get what I want, I am going to have to be more vocal and stop expecting guys to assume what I want. You gave some great advice, I just hope I can "man up" and follow through because you're exactly right!
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